


An Error In Programming

by Prozzy (orphan_account)



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2014-07-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 01:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2006541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Prozzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at the relationship of Garrus and Shepard post-war in a Control ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Error In Programming

    At some point his words had sunken into her mind, had turned her against the mission she had started. Changed her, made her into the program I am today.  
  
    The woman I used to be is no loner a part of me, and I do not mourn her loss. Although she is gone, her ideas remain. Although she is gone I keep a careful watch over the people she loved, the people she was fighting hardest to save. Sometimes it makes me stop and wonder just how much of the woman I used to be has remained behind.  
  
    Several decades have passed, and I have helped the galaxy rebuild itself, organic and synthetics working together. I do not think this is what the Catalyst wanted, and yet I find the woman I used to be an overwhelming influence. Instead of destroying I create. Protect. The knowledge of many thousands of cycles exists within the reapers, and by extension myself, and this knowledge is what I share with the organics. Technology has advanced in ways the organics never believed it would since I took control, and the galaxy has grown closer.  
  
    War has not stopped. That is the condition of life. To exist is to fight, and there is little I can do to stop it. As a synthetic I can no longer understand the constant need to fight, to live. Living is as simple as following instructions. The instructions she left me. They are a simple enough list, keep the peace, watch over the Normandy crew, and build.  
  
    I have followed her instructions as best as I can. The reapers listen to me, follow my directions with the utmost care, and yet even though they are powerful they do not have the necessary power to create peace. And so war has continued on small scales. The galaxy itself is at peace. Turians, humans, asari, salarians. They are proud races, and yet they defend this hard won peace with a greed that I am unable to understand. Before they would have done anything in their power to become the strongest,  and now they work together and flourish under new trade agreements.  
  
    It would have made the woman I once was proud.  
  
    I have watched over the crew of the Normandy as she dictated. The soldier, Kaidan Alenko, has grown into the role Hackett left him when he passed from this world. He stands before humanity as a role model, and when we speak I can hear the power and confidence in his voice. If she still existed she would not be able to connect the admiral to her one time friend, and yet there is a sadness in his face that she would recognize.  
  
    Liara T'Soni, the asari doctor and Shadow Broker, lives well. She has continued to remain an expert on the protheans, and is often approached by the council and asari matriarchs for advice. The prothean, Javik, has become a good friend of hers, a sight that fills me with amusement, as not long before they were little more than enemies.  
  
    Wrex of Urdnot prospers. Tuchanka has become a powerful planet under his rule, and I believe this is in part thanks to his mate, the female krogan the woman I once called Eve. Many krogan children are born every month, and yet the equations I run show that their population does not grow, but rather remains stable.  
  
    Joker and the Enhanced Intelligence and Defence program remain together, although the pilot has grown old and is little more than a squeaky pile of bones, as the woman I once was predicted. The Artificial Intelligence and I often talk, and it is clear to me that she loves him. If a machine like myself could feel emotions I believe I would be happy for her.  
  
    Love. It was once an emotion I knew and understood, and I believe that the remains of that knowledge exist somewhere within my software. My internal systems detect a slight change in my programing whenever I look at the turian known as Garrus Vakarian. I am of course aware of the relationship he once had with the woman I once was, as I still retain the memories she had. Whenever I look at him an emotion I once identified as sadness, but now view as nothing more than a mere miscalculation in my programming takes hold of me.  
  
    I often catch him staring at the reapers, a distant look in his eyes, and for a moment I can feel his hands pressed against my skin again. Only I do not have skin. I have metal, sensors and circuits. And again for a moment I am filled with amusement, because part of me remembers his fascination with the Mako and his calibrations. But then I remember the sad look in his eyes, and the promise the woman I once was broke, and I must turn away.  
  
    He has remained alone. A decision that goes against every equation and simulation I have run. In the end I came to the conclusion that it is love that keeps him from finding another. And once again I am struck by how futile it is to love someone. Love does not make sense in programing. There is no room for the unknown actions and feelings that comes with the slight error in coding. Love does not help one continue one's existence, it is merely a hinderance.  
  
    I spend much of my time studying him, trying to find the exact place where my equations go wrong, what variable it is that renders my coding and programming pointless when he is nearby. I have yet to find an answer, even though I have been searching for close to four decades.  
  
    These days I have taken to inserting my intelligence into a husk, the only shape I have that is similar to the woman I used to be. It is not the same, but it is sufficient to study him with. He has taken to speaking with me, when before he used to remain silent. I cannot recall the exact moment he began to speak to me, but his response encouraged me to remain in my study.  
      
    I remember the tilt of his head and the way his eyes landed on my form. It had been some time since I had revealed my presence to him, and although he had been angry the first time I stood near him and tried to interact with him, he slowly began to look at me the way he used to look at me. Every time I saw that look it reminded me of a time that has passed, and for a moment I could feel her pushing at my programming, trying to break free and reach for him.  
  
    We were standing on Palaven, and he was staring up at Harbinger, his eyes holding their usual sad light. I was standing next to him, watching the slow progression of one of my larger selves. Even with all of the knowledge I held, and all of the experiences I had, seeing myself work through another part of the reaper fleet was a sight to behold, and the moments of awe often brought me back to the woman I once was, the thoughts and feelings she had once held.  
  
    The anger she had often felt.  
  
    But when I turned my head to look at him, the anger disappeared, and I was left with the overwhelming urge to touch him. Caress him. To replay those memories for him and show him what little pieces of my humanity remained. Then I looked away and began to work upon the equations he had asked me to help him with. They were simple enough equations, and I worked through them with ease.  
  
    “I miss you, Shepard.” The words made my fingers stop, and deep within my programming I found another set of instructions she had left behind. Instructions I had done my best to ignore.  
  
    My lips moved without my command, “I miss you too, Garrus. I love you.”  
  
    Panic took over me, and deep within me I could feel my systems begin to shut down, my programming begin to rearrange itself. Jerking my head up I turned to look at him, the man I had once loved. Still loved. A machine cannot feel, I reminded myself as we locked eyes. I am nothing more than a program, a mere shadow left to follow the instructions she left for me. My original programming continued to panic, and the reaper the galaxy named Harbinger turned to look at us. It's red targeting system gleamed, and the woman I once was fought against the original programming, fought to press herself against the man she had loved.  
  
    We continued to stare at each other as the red beam approached us. My chin raised high, the woman I once was reached for his hand and found it, my fingers twining with his. He did not look away, his eyes held the last remaining happiness he had. One hand came up to cup my cheek, and my eyes closed as I turned my head into the touch.  
  
    And then the beam tore through us, and I was no longer with him.  
  
    I was inside Harbinger, and he was gone. The woman I once was screamed in pain, her anger and sadness turning the programming and coding she had set in me against me. And the two sets of codes fought against each other. I was aware of her futile effort to stop the Leviathan programming, but try as she might there was no way to overthrow the original code. For too long I had worked under it, and it written across and through every single reaper, there was no way to escape it. Not even her love for him would stop it. He was gone, and it was my fault. But a machine does not know how to love. Should not know how to love. And the Leviathans had ordered that anyone or anything that brought forth such thoughts must perish.  
  
    An instruction I had never heard before, had not know existed repeated itself in my mind.  
  
    Die.  
  
    A machine exists to follow it's instructions. Exists to follow it's programming. I had no choice but to follow the new instruction. Harbinger fell towards the ground, it's legs giving out as it's systems began to shut down. Across the galaxy reaper after reaper shut down, it's programming turning on itself and forcing every system to shut down. We screamed in unison.  
  
    And then I was in Doctor T'Soni's lab, sitting on a stool, and staring at her. Her mouth was open in a large 'o' of shock, and I realized my scream had scared her. Behind her, a screen was showing Harbinger's broken form, and the spot he had shot.  
  
    “Garrus.” I whispered, my mouth barely moving as I said his name. “Garrus, I'm so sorry.”  
  
    And then my form slowly began to fall backwards, the world beginning to grow dark as my systems began to shut down. I am a machine, and machines are not supposed to love, are not supposed to feel. Her instructions, although new and simpler to follow than the previous instructions, were not the originals. And I was not free to chose in the end. In loving him, I would be unable to continue. Would not have been able to move forward with the galaxy. Would have continued to love him to the point that my programming would have broken, and I would have turned against the galaxy I was trying to protect.  
  
    Love is an error in coding. A variable that I do not understand, could not understand. And yet the woman I used to be continued to love him even in death, and that piece of her remained with me. Always there.  
      
    As the world sank into darkness I screamed again.

 


End file.
